Day #4

Day #4

Going off yesterdays little tangent on trying to be a good person in life, I decided that I would do something that I was putting off doing for a very long time.

Being the first born child, both my parents did not have any family members around them to help them in raising me. My mother never held a baby until I was born. Naturally, she was scared. Luckily, we had a neighbour who her self, was a single mother and had three children. She too had no family here. Instantly, the women (who is 10 years older than my mother), formed a friendship. To this day, my mother and this woman became very close friends, and my mother viewed that woman, as her mother.

She would visit us regularly, and she watched me grow in front of her eyes.

A couple of months back, she developed a cold, and she lost her voice. It almost sounded as if she had emphysema as she was a heavy smoker. They conducted multiple tests on her, and they found nothing. Her lungs were clean. They couldn’t however, identify exactly why her voice was lost. Small little things started to happen from there. She started to lose her balance, and would find herself drooling. Further tests were performed and the most imaginable diagnosis was provided. She had motor neuron disease (ALS).

My mother went and saw her every week, however every night, she would cry and talk about the condition that the woman was in. Everyday became worse. She now cannot walk, talk, eat or perform anything independently. She now sleeps in front of her window, and gazes at the people driving past in their cars or the trees that sway back and forth. She is stuck. Staring into peoples eyes, hoping that they will come in and see her.

I have a special place in my heart for this woman. She is essentially my grandmother. I grew up in front of her, and she was always doing what ever she could to make sure that I became a woman that never has to rely on a man and can generate her own money. In some ways, making sure that I don’t make the same mistakes she did.

Working in a medical centre, I knew exactly what this vulgar disease does to someone. My colleagues husband was diagnosed with ALS ten years ago, and seeing him be pushed in with a wheelchair, to now completely immobile, shatters any livings soul. So I knew. But I couldn’t bring myself to go see her. I knew that the moment I saw her lying in her bed, I would break down into tears and that would make her upset. So I avoided it.

With some persistence from my mother as well as my boyfriend, I decided to stop putting my needs and emotions first, and think how lonely this woman feels. Even for 10 minutes. Just being in her company, is something that not only I needed, but she did too.

I went in. The moment I saw her face, I could feel my throat tightening up a little. No. You have to hold it together. I stepped closer to her. She saw me and her eyes were gleaming. I went next to her and she was just starting into my eyes and feeling my face and hair with her right hand. My tears started to fall like raindrops onto her skin. I started sobbing. She started sobbing. Together, our tears could have saved a desert. My mother was telling me to stop crying as I was making the woman sad. But how could I not? This strong woman that helped raised me, that raised her three children on her own, is now restricted to this? Every time I looked at her, I remembered all the times that we had together. And now? All she can do is look into my eyes and I look into hers.

I regretted not seeing her earlier. I regret putting my needs and my emotions before that of someone who has an illness. It is the harsh reality. This is what this god forsaken disease does to people. It strips them off every single movement that they have. Theres a saying in our culture that when you die, you are placed in wood and lowered into your grave. Every day, this woman taps on the wood, and prays in her mind, that she can die, so she can be freed of the suffering she is in.

Seeing her, was probably one of the biggest wake up calls. You can’t run away from not trying to see the effects that illness have on some people. That is when people need you the most. At their lowest point. You can say you understand someones pain. However, unless you see and feel their pain, you can’t ever feel what they’re going through.

I’ll probably continue to cry every time I see her, and I am wiping away my tears now and I will probably cry tonight.

Right now, there is no cure for ALS. Please visit https://www.mndaust.asn.au/Home.aspx to find out more information about the illness and also please donate to research so they can help put an end to this. Human kind, we are capable of doing this.

A cure needs to be found for this.

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Day #3

Day #3

Every now and then, we say things that we regret instantly. They are typically words or even phrases that you wouldn’t always say, or that you meant them as a joke. However, some things can come across a lot harsher, and a lot more damaging than what you intended them to be. You might have been after a laughter, but instead you saw someones heart crush right in front of you.

You cannot control how people will feel, but you have to remember, that your words and actions may enable an individual to question you. And that is something that you don’t ever want.

You can say “sorry” 100000000 times, and they can say that they “forgive you”. The pain that it causes isn’t just to them. Its the internal pain that it causes to you. For one second, a poor choice of words, the strain it causes on your heart and the doubt that you have in yourself.

Todays new thing will be, to stop saying sorry and actually back it up with actions that showcase appreciation. We can all talk. But can we all show?

My mother and I were supposed to spend the day together yesterday as a daughter-mother day. Her friend came over and that quickly went out the window. I was a little upset, yet I could see that my mum too was upset. So, putting all emotions to the side, instead of being angry about that once situation, I’m going to try again with her. I will always try over and over and over and over again with my mother.

So something for those of you who are reading this, what ever grudge or what ever mistake you have done, just know that it does not define you. The ones who are closest to you and love you will see that.

It’s expected that you will make mistakes. Every downfall is a learning curve. Show to who ever it is that means so much to you, that you’re better than that one second of something, that even I cant put a name to it.

The reason I am doing this, is based on the fact that I myself am a very stubborn person. I typically wait for others to make the move and for others to come to me first and apologise. But this isn’t something I only ever want to do for one day. It is something I want to do everyday.

Could me letting down the person I love dearly, be actually a blessing in disguise? Could it facilitate a change for the better?

We will find out I guess..

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Day #2

Day #2

Last night, I was craving poached eggs and smashed avocados. So much that I was planning on heading down to my favourite cafe at Essendon. Instead of spending the usual $25, I told myself that today, my new thing would be to recreate the breakfast I usually get.

So behold. This is the second time I’ve poached an egg, and I am feeling pretty proud of myself.

P.s I am a salt and pepper fanatic

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Day #1

Day #1

Today, the new thing that i will be doing will be to wake up early, even if I don’t have to. Reading a lot of female entrepreneurs biographies and watching female bloggers such as SugarMama TV, these people have highlighted how a simple activity such as waking up at 5.30 in the morning, can make you far more productive as well as organised.

Tomorrow is my day off. I naturally wake up around 8.00-8.30 in the morning however sometimes feel that by the time I actually get out of bed, I have wasted a quarter of my day. So, to make the most of it, I had decided to wake up at 5.30am. I’ll probably dread this tomorrow, but I have to try it before I can make a commitment to it.

 

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Welcome to my blog!

Hello lovely people!

I wanted to thank you all for taking the time out to visit my very first blog page. A little about myself. I am a 21 year old University student from Melbourne in Australia. I’m currently in the final year of my teaching degree. I made a promise to myself and someone who is very close to my heart, that I would be actively doing activities in order to change my life. That lead me to the conclusion that I would be trying to do at least one new thing every single day. Now i know, this may not be realistic, but it can be as small as changing the way I tie my hair, or as complex as having a complete makeover. I needed a place to document this journey, so I thought hey, why not do it on a blog.

I hope you all enjoy peaking into my life, and hope you all have a lovely day.